So what do you do when you are a control freak and life-changing events are beyond your control?
If you are me, you have a few weeks filled with angst. Cry it out a few times. Think of every possible outcome, both good and bad. Cry it out some more. Over-analyze everything. Have one particularly bad day of crying and then come to the conclusion of, “This is out of my control. I have to move on and let things happen or else I’m going to be a puffy-faced mess for the rest of my life.”
Welcome to the last month of my life. There has been so much I wanted to write about but haven’t. We are a blog of two working mothers so it seemed logical that I should write about what is going when it pertains to work changes. But the thing is, so much was up in the air that I wanted to wait until there was a conclusion for fear of putting too much out there. Well, I don’t think there is going to be a conclusion for awhile so here goes:
The husband got a new job. It is a wonderful, exciting opportunity for him. For those of you who don’t know, we are both journalists. We have worked in the same newsroom for the past seven years with the exception of a six-month period. It’s worked for us. We have built good careers and have been successful.
However, the husband has always wanted to work for a different newspaper. When the opportunity came, he interviewed and got the job. It’s a place where I would like to work, too, but that would require walking away from a company that has invested in me, that made me a manager at 25, that has allowed to grow and be responsible for things before many other places would. I have a good future here.
Here’s the crux of the problem: The newspaper where I work now is not in an area where we want to raise our girls. It’s not a bad area just not where either of us thought we’d be for the rest of our life together. The different newspaper (where the husband is now) is exactly where we want to be, but could require a career shift on my part.
So. Family or career?
For now, we are trying to balance both. The husband is driving about 50 miles one way to work each day and I’m driving about 30 in the complete opposite. The girls stay in the town where we live.
It isn’t easy.
I still don’t work until noon, leaving me a single parent in the mornings and the husband a single parent at night, something we’ve been doing for 18 months. It is wearing on both of us but we don’t know of an alternative right now.
Staying where I am means I continue on a good career path (provided I continue to work hard, do what is necessary, etc.) Going to where the husband is (whenever there is an opening and if I am hired for it) could mean more odd hours, weekend work and taking a detour in my career BUT also means living in a place where we have always wanted to live AND being closer to family (like 10 minutes from my parents) AND could lead to more opportunities (but that is unknown).
These are not decisions to take lightly. The husband wants me to do what I think is best, even if that means I stay put. He’s been very supportive.
Up until now, I don’t think I’ve had a harder life decision to make. Deciding where to go to college? No problem. Deciding to marry my husband? Probably the easiest. Deciding to have children? Jumped in with two feet.
But this? I just don’t know. I feel selfish if I decide to stay. I feel anxious if I go.
Stay tuned …