Saturday, March 28, 2009

Haircuts and eye-gougings

The Boy's hair was getting a little shaggy, so the other morning I just took a pair of nail scissors and straightened out his long, fringy bangs. I figured we were about to go on vacation and if I screwed it up really bad, my sister -- a hairdresser -- could fix it. Of course, the husband and everyone else quickly pointed out it would have been just as easy to wait, but I'm impatient.

The impromptu haircut wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. My sister, who originally pooh-poohed my suggestion that she show me how to cut The Boy's hair properly, finally couldn't take looking at his uneven, still shaggy head any longer. "Do you have scissors? C'mon, I'll show you." So I grabbed the dull scissors and comb that came with the clippers I use on the husband and Lexi and I took The Boy out to the back deck. She sat on the end of the deck, on a built-in bench, and plopped The Boy on her lap and started combing and snipping and trying to show me how to "get your guide" and "just clip there."

I should confess here, I have trouble using a brush and a hairdryer at the same time. Also, the one and only time I went to the emergency room, I was 14 and had sliced my thigh open with a pair of scissors. I'm usually not allowed to use scissors without supervision.

Determined to be a capable, frugal mother, I tried to comb up The Boy's hair and clip it. Lexi grimaced and said, "Well, that's a start. You cut something anyway." Then she told me I was using the wrong end of the comb and took it away to show me again. Trying to get a better look -- and ignoring her advice to keep the scissors shut -- I stepped backward -- into nothing. I stepped right off the edge of the deck. My sister said she turned her head to say something to me and I wasn't there. She just saw my leg fly into the air and the point of the scissors coming at her. She finished The Boy's haircut.

Telling our mother about the near-miss, potential eye gouging later, we were still giggling. "So, did you tell her how to cut The Boy's hair then?" Mom asked.

"USE THE CLIPPERS," Lexi said.


Gerbicks said...

hilarious! i won't even allow myself around the girls with scissors; i don't trust my hands one bit.

desperate housewife said...

At least his hair LOOKS all right. My sister is currently very angry with me for cutting my kids' hair myself. Maybe next time I will allow a professional to do Addy's, at least. I don't seem to know when to stop cutting!

sara said...

ha- you know, if i had seen you at christmas you were going to get a scotch gift wrap cutter... maybe next time it will have to be a flowbee.