Sunday, June 14, 2009

Knowing your limits

I need a break.

Logically, I know it is OK for me to say that. Emotionally, I feel like a terrible mother.

I haven't spent more than a day at work away from my daughter since she was born. I've gone out with the husband or with friends three times that I can think of in almost 11 months. There has been the occasional solo shopping trip but those usually last an hour or two. Peanut and I have never spent a night apart.

The husband has been telling me for sometime now that he wants to plan a night away. I kept looking at him like he was crazy. I'm still nursing. I cannot be away from her.

But it is more than the nursing. I just don't want to leave her. I feel bad enough leaving her to go to work each day. I don't want to spend anymore time away from her.

But I need to. Even if I cry the entire time, I'm going to do it.

I don't know exactly what made me realize this. We had a rough weekend filled with croup, very possibly teething and a night where she refused to sleep anywhere but my arms.

She waffled between being a happy baby and a child who was obviously miserable and unable to communicate the source of her pain. She'd play pleasantly for a few minutes and then refuse to be put down for 30 minutes, forcing me to carry her around the house.

Sunday afternoon, I took her to the husband who was working in the garage. He asked if I needed a break. I began crying. Not because she was bad but because I felt weak for admitting that yes, I needed to leave the house without her.

But I realize it is OK for me to leave to do something other than work. It will make our time together more pleasant and make me more balanced.

Anyone else feel like this?

7 comments:

Amy Hudson said...

I think we all feel that way. My parents love being with Owen and my sister and her kids welcome him anytime. It's a break for me to feel more than "just a mom." It wil keep you a better mother if you take those breaks every so often. I honestly think I appreciate the moments with him much more when I'm sane. :)

k said...

Breaks are good!

I occasionally bolt on a Sunday afternoon to get a pedicure or on a weeknight to have dinner with friends. That time away makes it all the sweeter to return home.

That being said, I've yet to work myself up to a night away. A good recently did it and said it was freaking amazing. : )

Hillary said...

Get away. Seriously. You might surprise yourself; I expected to be all tears last year when we left The Boy for a long weekend. He was only six months old! But by the time we left our neighborhood, my worry was gone. Leave Peanut with her grandparents and take some time. You'll be a better momma for it.

Andrea said...

Absolutely! Tyler just turned 2 and has only spent two nights away from me (one at 1mo old and 1 just a month ago)! The husband and I keep having this very conversation, that we need to find "ourselves" again, but I feel like the bad mommy for wanting some couple time. I think we need adult outings to remind ourselves were are not just a mommy, but a woman as well!

Lisa said...

You can't be a good mom unless you take care of YOU! Your little peanut already has a MUCH better life than so so many kids out there. But if her mommy doesn't stay sane, that's not good!

I wasn't away from my little man for more than 8 hours until he was 16 months; we were also still nursing. Then I took four nights away and it was HEAVEN. Just keep yourself busy doing things you love while you are away, and you'll be so much better equipped to be an awesome momma when you get back!

Sarah P said...

Michelle,
You need to get away with Lucas, remeber that a strong and loving marriage is one of the most important things you can give your child.
I worried for a while the first and only night I have been away and then I realized, Donna has done the baby thing. If she has to get up, she can handle it. Trust your parents, they can do it! Look how well you turned out!
Remeber if mama is happy, everyone is happy!!!

Sarah P said...

You would think I would know how to spell remember!