I need a break.
Logically, I know it is OK for me to say that. Emotionally, I feel like a terrible mother.
I haven't spent more than a day at work away from my daughter since she was born. I've gone out with the husband or with friends three times that I can think of in almost 11 months. There has been the occasional solo shopping trip but those usually last an hour or two. Peanut and I have never spent a night apart.
The husband has been telling me for sometime now that he wants to plan a night away. I kept looking at him like he was crazy. I'm still nursing. I cannot be away from her.
But it is more than the nursing. I just don't want to leave her. I feel bad enough leaving her to go to work each day. I don't want to spend anymore time away from her.
But I need to. Even if I cry the entire time, I'm going to do it.
I don't know exactly what made me realize this. We had a rough weekend filled with croup, very possibly teething and a night where she refused to sleep anywhere but my arms.
She waffled between being a happy baby and a child who was obviously miserable and unable to communicate the source of her pain. She'd play pleasantly for a few minutes and then refuse to be put down for 30 minutes, forcing me to carry her around the house.
Sunday afternoon, I took her to the husband who was working in the garage. He asked if I needed a break. I began crying. Not because she was bad but because I felt weak for admitting that yes, I needed to leave the house without her.
But I realize it is OK for me to leave to do something other than work. It will make our time together more pleasant and make me more balanced.
Anyone else feel like this?