I did a bad thing the other day.
I calculated out how many hours I spend during the work week with Peanut while she is awake and how many hours I spend away from her. Guess which one is greater?
The husband and I were talking about finally making time for us to get away. I've realize we need a break together. Our relationship is stronger now because of Peanut, but we still need some time just the two of us to do more than run errands. We need to go on a date, something we have done once since Peanut was born.
Now that weaning is complete (and with few problems I might add), we decided to make a date together this month. We talked about the logistics. I'm still reluctant to leave Peanut with anyone but relatives. How long we would go? A day? A night? A weekend?
We talked about how hard it is to leave her and how much we would miss her. Then I did the math. I spend approximately 20 waking hours with Peanut Monday through Friday and about 50 hours away from her. That's with getting up at 5 a.m. to be at work at 6:30 a.m. so that I can be done by 3:30 p.m.
Imagine how that made me feel.
But at the same time, I know that I don't want to be a stay at home mom. I enjoy my work and I've always wanted a career. My job affords me flexibility but is also challenging. My job helps us pay the bills and save up for our future together including Peanut's college education and wedding (to the Boy. It's already been decided, kids. Get on board.).
Besides, she gets to play with other kids all day. She'd get bored with just me. Heck some nights she gets bored with just me. She's learning social interaction and all kinds of fun things from the kids at the babysitter's (who we love. Have I told you that lately, B? Seriously, you are wonderful.)
Hillary helped remind me of some of this and told me that numbers aren't always black and white. So rather than let myself be depressed by the stats, I decided to really examine them.
If I count up all the time I spend writing about Peanut in a week while she is asleep, I feel like I can add another 5 hours to my time with her so that's 25 hours. And then, figure the time she's napping while I'm at work. That's about 2.5 hours a day times 5 so subtract 12.5 hours from 50 and that 37.5.
Looking a little better.
Plus, we might as well add in the weekends. That's about 20 hours if I subtract the nap time (just trying to keep it all fair). And then I would need to add in the times I go in after she's been asleep awhile, pick her up and snuggle with her awhile. I probably do that an hour total each week. And then add in another hour of getting up through the nights to give her the pacifiers she's chucked out of her crib.
So really, I'm with her 47 hours a week and away from her 37.5.
It's not perfect but it works for us. And in the end, that's what really matters.
(And I promise, honey, this won't stop us from going on a date in August. And I won't make you go see Harry Potter. I love you.)