Thursday, August 13, 2009

My little parasite

Baby2 put on a little show for the Daddyman last night. The husband felt Baby2 kick for the first time, and then the kid continued to roll and kick and punch for about 10 minutes straight. It's the most continuous movement I've felt this pregnancy.

The pants that had previously remained baggy despite my expanding belly fastened this morning, but cut a half inch into me. I went to work with a rubberband pulling them together and a shirt covering the gap.

My mother, grandmother and sister told me all weekend I'm bigger this time around and carrying higher.

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This pregnancy is becoming real to me. I'm afraid Baby2 is about to get a little more real than I would like.

The ultrasound is scheduled next week. I have given into the demands of the husband, the grandmas, my sister, Michelle and everyone else in the free world, it seems, and agreed to find out the sex this time around. Practically speaking, I know finding out makes sense. But I liked being surprised. As I told a friend, not knowing allowed me to wrap my head around being a mother without worrying specifically about how to raise a strong woman or an honorable man. And, if I'm being honest, knowing the sex kind of skeeves me out.

Pregnancy is creepy -- beautiful, awesome and empowering, but creepy. I am sharing my body with another living thing. That's weird.

I'm OK with sharing my body with an abstract baby. An abstract baby has no sex. It's just a wee blob floating around growing body parts, and I'm cool with that. But give that blob a sex and -- lord help me -- a name, and I freak out. Because PEOPLE have names and a sex. Oh my god! I'm sharing my body with another person. I don't really even like hugs that much; how am I supposed to be OK with another person hanging out inside me?

When I was younger -- and wanting to shock people -- I referred to fetuses as parasites. Pregnancy hasn't changed my view much. My babies are living off me; they are parasites. The difference is they are MY parasites and I love them. I don't need -- don't really want -- to know anything else.

I've been telling Baby2 there's nothing wrong with a little modesty.

6 comments:

Shari said...

My husband is absolutely banned from using his term of choice, "womb booger". That totally skeeves me out. A friend once wondered how you could ever be preggo with a boy baby, knowing that there is a little tiny weiner floating around in there...it's all creepy if you think about it.

k said...

Pregnant women are most def. pod people. Aside from having something inside you that has fingernails (!) and hair (!!), dude, it comes out of you connected by a cord. So, at one point it's on the outside. You're on outside. But a cord is tying you two together and still partly on the INSIDE.

Holy hell.

Michelle said...

Would it bother you if I named your baby and just started calling it by the name I pick out? Yes? Fine. It's your baby. We will play by your rules.

Don't find out if you don't want to! You should pull the tech aside before the ultrasound and ask her to be vague and very uncertain of the sex.

I, on the other hand, HAD to know. And HAD to have a name picked out right away. We were calling Peanut by her name within a week of finding out she was a girl. I'm bad with surprises.

Hillary said...

K and Shari -- you make excellent points. It is ALL weird.

We're going to find out. The husband told me last night we didn't have to, which of course made me love him so much I'm going to let him have his way. Sneaky husband. We're not telling definite names, though. I'll get over my issues.

desperate housewife said...

My SIL always referred to fetuses, hers and mine, as little parasites. I mean, AFFECTIONATELY referred to them as such, but still. They are.
Sidenote: I know LOTS of people who compromised on this issue by having the tech not announce the gender to both parents, but then telling the parent that did want to know later, privately. Would that work?
I mean, I don't think it would ever work for us, but it's a thought.

Megan, Michelle's work friend said...

There's a couple that does the one finds out, one doesn't on the show Gilmore Girls and it makes for some of the funniest stuff of the whole series. Dad wants to do it Ricky Ricardo style (in the waiting room, with a cigar, nurse comes out "It's a ....!") and Mom knows. So she has all the baby's stuff - blue because she knows it is a boy - in the barn so he doesn't see it and he has a button made up that says "Do not tell me the sex of my baby" and when they talk about names they agree on David for a boy but he wants a girl to be named "Colgate" after his grandmother and mom starts a fight with him because if she didn't, he would know it's not a girl. Good stuff.