Friday, December 11, 2009

When I'm 64

I judged a senior citizen talent show today.

There was a woman in her late 60s who belly-danced. (I'm sorry I don't have a picture. The organizers felt judges should more dignified than to be snapping photos of the acts. Poo.) She wore a turquoise skirt and bolero, spangled with giant gold sequins, over a red bodysuit. She had amazing cleavage and beautiful skin. She was in my top three.

A retired police officer who only started singing three years ago and who performs with a barbershop quartet sang "Ave Maria" in a voice that filled the entire auditorium. Think Bugs Bunny doing opera, only, you know, good. He didn't place and after the results were announced an admirer of his leaned over my shoulder and demanded to know WHY he hadn't placed with a voice like that. He had a groupie.

A raspy-voiced, black-dyed-haired New Yorker performed an original stand-up comedy act. Most of it was about sex. She said after two knee replacements and two hip replacements, what was inside of her pants was worth $1 million -- and she wasn't dropping those drawers for just anyone.

And the winners were a couple, married 58 years next week, who performed a sort of swing dance together. He dipped her several times, dropping her lower and lower only to pop her up for a kiss. I alternated between worry that they'd break a hip or two and delight that they were so obviously still in love. They wore matching pink and white outfits. You could see the tails of his pink shirt through his white pants. She cried when they won.

I can play the flute. Maybe that'll be my talent entry when I'm a senior citizen. What's your talent?


Kate said...

Sounds like it was a good show!

I'm starting to realize that as a computer programmer turned corporate stooge, I have zero demonstrable skills. I should probably work on that...

k said...

A few things:

1) How did you EVEN get the job of judging the talent?

2) I wish I had amazing cleavage and beautiful skin.

3) For my talent, I would like to present my wicked ability to never leave the house without the bed being made. (Weak, I know.)

Gerbicks said...

what is *not* my talent: playing the flute. there would be hillary, 1st chair; heidi, last chair. *smile* no wonder we didn't get to know each other in high school, lol.

possible talents: i don't get sick from mixing alcohol. i can read non-verbals very well.

i agree with k, how did you get this talent show judge gig?! sounds like a good time, really.

Hillary said...

A medical group I covered a few months ago in my job as health reporter hosted the competition and asked me to be a judge. It was me, a local city councilman and Mrs. United America. A sort of sad little panel of local "celebrities," I guess.