Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Daycare drama

The Boy was bitten at daycare last week. His teacher met me at the gate in a tizzy to explain the incident, mostly, I think, because the bite had broken the skin and was within a week of The Boy getting a black eye and a knot on his forehead in two other scrapes. I wouldn't have been upset anyway. Given his history of biting, I was just happy he wasn't the biter.

But when I heard the story -- first from the teacher and then from The Boy -- I was flat-out happy he had been bitten. The Boy and two of his little buddies were chasing and fell down, The Boy and Kid 1 landing on Kid 2. The Boy and Kid 1 decided to be super heros, or maybe that was why they were running in the first place, and hold down the bad guy, Kid 2. "We were being the strong ones," The Boy said. Only Kid 2 didn't really want to be the bad guy and bit The Boy. If I had a hoss of a 2-year-old on top of me, I might bite, too.

"Good," I said to his teacher, "maybe he'll learn about consequences."

And then The Boy and I had a chat in the car on the way home about treating others like we want to be treated.

I work with the biter's mom, and the story she got didn't match up with what I got. For whatever reason, the teacher made it sound like the biter was unprovoked -- and so the poor kid was punished at home, too. I only bring this up because when I was talking to her about it, she said this was a theme with her son and that teacher. She only ever shares the bad things that goes on with the kid. This incident was the last straw, she said.

Her solution was a good one, I think. Clear, without being aggressive. The next day when the teacher said, "Oh he was so wild!" and hemmed and hawed, the mom said, "Does he ever have a good day? Because all I hear is about the bad." And you know what? She's heard good things -- with whatever orneriness -- everyday since.


k said...

Ezra has been bitten a handful of times at daycare--none of which have broken the skin, but many of which have left bruises and don't look...pleasant to have received.

T gets up in arms, but what you can you do? Daycare--especially with some larger kids like The Boy and E--can be a little Lord of the Flies. You gotta do what you gotta do.

As for the bad notes, I had to speak up once--it was better and more constructive every day after. Good for her!

TwinMomMichelle said...

We had the same problem with our daycare teacher giving us bad reports about our girls every single day. I couldn't talk to the teacher because she didn't get there until after I dropped the girls off and left before I picked them up. I ended up emailing her and never received a response. At that point, I got the director involved. Things improved somewhat, but really I'm just glad they got to change classes in August and now we all love their teacher.