1. Receiving phone call from school saying The Boy has lice. Can I come get him?
2. Throwing a hissing fit in the husband's office.
3. Making self-deprecating, not-really-funny-to-me jokes in our boss' office as I tell him I need to leave. Trying not to itch my head.
4. Spending 30 seconds rushing around the office telling the reporters and other people expecting things from me I'm going to be MIA.
5. Going to get The Boy. Making an exasperated, ranting call to my mother. Trying not to itch my head.
6. Retrieving The Boy, relieved that The Lad doesn't have any and thankful the daycare ladies can explain what I'm to be looking for. Trying not to itch my head.
7. Making an exasperated, ranting call to the husband. Trying not to itch my head.
8. Explaining to The Boy that there are bugs in his head, that this will not be fun and we have to get them out. Trying not to itch my head.
9. Stopping at CVS and being forced to ask for the anti-lice treatment. Trying not to itch my head.
10. Lunch. Ranting call to Mom.
11. Applying anti-lice stuff on The Boy, who was at first cooperative but soon melted into a whiny pile of how-long-is-this-gonna-take.
12. Trying not to itch my head.
13. Cleaning every inch of The Boy's room. Washing everything. Putting stuffed animals in garbage bags. Vacuuming. Using the incident as an excuse to pitch objectionable toys. Trying not to itch my head.
14. Getting a headache from the anti-lice stuff you spray on mattresses and carpets.
15. Dealing with a whiny Boy. Cutting his hair because a) he needed it anyway and b) lice.
16. Realizing this is what they do to prisoners to prevent lice. Shrugging because LICE.
17. Laundry. More laundry.
18. Dealing with a whiny Boy. Getting a sore back from moving couches, mattresses and other furniture, as well as running the vacuum everywhere.
19. Realizing it's time to get the husband and The Lad.
20. Deciding you all should get to hear my whining.
I've spent 10 minutes typing this and have scratched my head at least a dozen times.
Five years ago, the husband and I were about to get married, stealing kisses at my parents' house as we put the final touches on the tent and gazebo for the ceremony. Now, as soon as he gets home, the husband is checking me for lice. This is what happens to romance.