Battles. Lots and lots of battles. Over shoes. Over how the shoes are put on. Over clothes and when to put them on. Over breakfast, lunch and dinner and whether any and all of those meals should include Doritos. Over who gets to do things for her - daddy or mommy. Pacifiers. Nap times. Doctor's office visits. Anything and everything can turn into a head-butting battle.
That is what has happened in our house between Peanut and me. And she isn't even 4 years old yet.
I wanted to raise strong-willed daughters but I also wanted them to listen to me.
I let my frustration boil over this weekend. After arguing with Peanut all morning over every little thing, she cried about how I was putting her shoes on. I tossed them to her father and walked out of the room. It wasn't the most productive way to handle the situation but I knew removing myself was the best thing I could accomplish at the time.
The husband asked me if I was OK. I wasn't. I was frustrated. I can't seem to do anything right for this kid. She complains about a lot of what I do and prefers to let her father do things. I then was mad at myself for letting a preschooler get into my head. I'm the adult. I'm the parent. I should know how to handle this.
But I didn't. I don't.
Welcome to parenthood.
I've tried compromising with her. I've tried picking my battles and letting her have her way on things that don't matter. I've tried the "I hear you" approach when she is upset. I've tried comforting her when she is sad. I've tried ignoring her tantrums. Sending her to her room for quiet time when she can't pull it together. Taking away privileges like TV or the iPad when she can't listen.
Some of that works some of the time. Nothing works all of the time. We seem to be fine for weeks and then she starts digging her heels in and becoming upset about things.
She isn't a bad kid. She tells us unprompted numerous times a day that she loves us. At the end of each day, when I ask her what made her happy, she says "Gizmo made me happy today." She is sweet and loving and stubborn as can be.
I want to help her. I want us to have a good relationship. I want her to listen to me but feel like she still has a say in her daily routine. I just don't know how to get there.
Any tips for raising a strong-willed child?
Any tips for raising a strong-willed child?
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7 comments:
I hear you. Ha ha ha. But really. I have one of those too. Good luck! Wine!
I was going to say drink more.
You have to respect the strong willed person she's going to become, but wooohie, it isn't fun when she's butting heads with you.
If you get any good tips, let me know! Margaret fights us on all that stuff, too. It's exhausting.
I've thought about this and how we'll handle it with H in a few years. I've considered teaching her that those are the rules and we follow the rules, and the proper ways we speak to someone if we want them to listen. However, I also realize that they're toddlers and I will probably just end up searching for answers in a bottle at the end of the day.
Sigh, do you think girls are just sassy?
tbrandyberry, let me know how that goes. We teach peanut rules every day, but the smarter kids are, the better they are at manipulation.
Dude, I don't even know. I have nothing.
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