You know how one little incident can send you down a spiral of internal debate on your philosophy of parenting? (No, just me?) Well I had one last night. It went something like this:
Gizmo and the husband were on our bed playing before bedtime. She had a belt I just bought. This is not a fancy belt. It was not an expensive belt but it was a brand new belt that I've worn once. This kid is not gentle on items and has found new ways to mess things up (mainly by chewing on them). I took the belt away from her at which point she started to cry.
The husband said, "It's just a belt."
I felt childish but in my head I thought, "But it's my belt."
So in the 24 hours since this incident, I've thought a lot about my possessions and how my kids have impacted them.
Our couches and carpets were a mess before we had them cleaned a couple weekends ago, smeared by dirty little hands and crumbs ground into them. I can't wear a piece of clothing without risking it being stained in some way.
I can't tell you the amount of times I've climbed into my bed only to be greeted by a hard plastic toy, a doll. Or the amount of times I've tripped over toys in the middle of the night trying to go to the bathroom in the my room.
Hell my body is messed up because of my kids.
Some of you are probably thinking, duh, Michelle. Didn't you know this was going to happen?
Yes, yes I did.
That's not the point. I love my kids. I love the beautiful mess that comes with them. I remind myself that we are lucky to be able to afford toys that I can trip over and family members who lovingly give them gifts. I remind myself that my kids are happy and healthy. All of the things you tell yourself when you are trying to steer clear of being a negative ninny.
But. I'm also human. So much of what we do as parents is focused on our children. Our daily existence revolves around them - how we eat, our schedules, our (lack of) free time, our ability to do things for ourselves, our personal space. Whether you are a parent who puts your kids at the center of your universe or a parent who believes kids should adapt to you, you are still a parent and every decision you make is impacted some way by your kids.
Sometimes I just want something of my own. Sometimes I want my room to look like an adult room and not littered with toys. Sometimes I just want my belt to be my belt and not something for a toddler to chew on.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
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9 comments:
Amen! We have Anna and 2 crazy cats and everything gets ruined. I hear you.
We're suffering from this pretty badly right now. Paul is in the MAJOR destructive phase and I'm pretty sure soon we'll just be living in rubble. We're sick of it.
This is exactly (EXACTLY!) why my bedroom is a toy-free zone. No toys in my room! No playing in my room!
It doesn't work 100% of the time, but it DOES keep a lot of the toys out and, by proxy, the CHILDREN stay out and reduce their opportunity to destroy my things.
Of course, they still ruin things.
OH! OH! I forgot to tell you my story! I HAD A STORY TO TELL YOU!
When I was a kid, my mom had this neckalce with hollow gold beads on it. It was a very Special necklace and each year for a birthday or Christmas or a special occasion, my Dad would give her another bead to add to the necklace.
One day I got the necklace out and I BIT THE BEADS. They were hollow, so they crushed right up, and there was something satisfying about this.
My mother was furious. Like, speechless, white hot rage anger. She cried a lot over that necklace. We didn't crunch every bead, but we got to several of them.
Now it's one of her most precious items. She loves this bit of jewelry was marked by her kids at a young age and still bears our scars of childhood. She has had a ton of jewelers look at her necklace, as she was wearing it, and offer to fix those "crushed up beads" but she refuses every time.
So. Maybe one day we will think it's fantastic when they ruin something we love. (MAYBE.)
SO. I will participate!
I have a pop-up book of The Lorax. Yes, it is as child-centric as it sounds, but it's MINE. The boys bought it FOR ME, and the rule is that I must be present when they read it. It's a very intricate, delicate pop-up book.
Two nights ago, Tony sheepishly pulled out the book and said, "Oh, Momma, look what I did," and of course, it was ruined. A major component of the book had been ruined.
I cried. Because I have so few things that are JUST mine and this was one and THIS IS WHY MOMMA CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
Totally with you. Eriana thinks everything is hers, too, and gets SO! upset when she discovers I don't agree. :( I mostly move or lock up things I don't want her to play with, otherwise I get frustrated.
Absolutely understand this feeling. I do have rules about some things that I do not want ruined. For example, one son is obsessed with remotes. He has at least 10 non-working remotes. Because he has all of these, he does not get to touch the ones that do work. Those are mommy's remotes.
As for the belt, if the husband didn't understand, I would have given her one of his belts to play with.
I wanted to cry tears of empathy. Some days I get so upset about the STUFF. Jim's always like, "Would it really be so awful if this (insert object here) got broken?" And no, no it wouldn't. There's nothing here that's truly expensive or precious except of course the kids. But they are still MY things that I chose or was given as gifts, my pictures and lamps and wall art and candles and whatever, and I just want them to stay where I put them and not get knocked down by balls! IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!!
Sometimes I just want to yell at everyone I live with, "STOP TOUCHING MY SHIT. AND STOP TOUCHING MEEEEE!"
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