You know how one little incident can send you down a spiral of internal debate on your philosophy of parenting? (No, just me?) Well I had one last night. It went something like this:
Gizmo and the husband were on our bed playing before bedtime. She had a belt I just bought. This is not a fancy belt. It was not an expensive belt but it was a brand new belt that I've worn once. This kid is not gentle on items and has found new ways to mess things up (mainly by chewing on them). I took the belt away from her at which point she started to cry.
The husband said, "It's just a belt."
I felt childish but in my head I thought, "But it's my belt."
So in the 24 hours since this incident, I've thought a lot about my possessions and how my kids have impacted them.
Our couches and carpets were a mess before we had them cleaned a couple weekends ago, smeared by dirty little hands and crumbs ground into them. I can't wear a piece of clothing without risking it being stained in some way.
I can't tell you the amount of times I've climbed into my bed only to be greeted by a hard plastic toy, a doll. Or the amount of times I've tripped over toys in the middle of the night trying to go to the bathroom in the my room.
Hell my body is messed up because of my kids.
Some of you are probably thinking, duh, Michelle. Didn't you know this was going to happen?
Yes, yes I did.
That's not the point. I love my kids. I love the beautiful mess that comes with them. I remind myself that we are lucky to be able to afford toys that I can trip over and family members who lovingly give them gifts. I remind myself that my kids are happy and healthy. All of the things you tell yourself when you are trying to steer clear of being a negative ninny.
But. I'm also human. So much of what we do as parents is focused on our children. Our daily existence revolves around them - how we eat, our schedules, our (lack of) free time, our ability to do things for ourselves, our personal space. Whether you are a parent who puts your kids at the center of your universe or a parent who believes kids should adapt to you, you are still a parent and every decision you make is impacted some way by your kids.
Sometimes I just want something of my own. Sometimes I want my room to look like an adult room and not littered with toys. Sometimes I just want my belt to be my belt and not something for a toddler to chew on.