I took many deep breaths today.
It was just a bad day for no special reason, just many little petty ones. It was the kind of day that makes me wish I had an anonymous blog or an anonymous Twitter account, some safe place to vent and hear a chorus of support. Of course, I don't really believe in anonymous online accounts, so mostly I just wished my mom or Michelle or my sister or lived closer, and then complained to Mike.
It was the kind of day where I reminded myself, multiple times, that THIS was not something worth getting upset over. THIS was not something I was going to care about when I was old. THIS was not something I could control.
Nevermind what THIS is; insert your own THIS. We all have these days.
I tried very hard to concentrate on THAT. THAT was important. THAT was going to matter in the grand scheme of things. THAT I could control.
Have you figured out how to make THAT stick in your mind? Because I haven't quite.
"You have to learn how to calm yourself down," I tell The Boy. "I know it's hard. But you can do it."
"Yes. You can. Who is in control of you? Who is the boss of your body?"
"Yes. You are the boss of your body. You can control this. I know. You've seen me throw a fit. It's hard, I know. I still struggle. You know what helped? Counting. I'd count and count and count to 100, over and over again. I'd count when I was nervous. Count when I was angry. Maybe counting will help."
"I can't." He's still sobbing, almost hyperventilating.
"What about baseball? Maybe you can name all the baseball players you know. All the teams. You just have to think of something you like, find a trick that makes you think of something else."
I don't count that often any more. But there are days. THIS was one of those days.